I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
