i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
