do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
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