How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
