Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Are we still banned from the library?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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