I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
