he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
