dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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