She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
