My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
