Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
