Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
