nutella sex= disaster
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
