Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
