This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
