i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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