My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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