did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
