I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
