his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
