If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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