I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
