Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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