If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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