i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
