I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
