i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
