I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
