Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
