I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
