I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
