im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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