If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
