playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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