My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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