matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Buhtt sex?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I would fuck him just for his dog
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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