does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You can't special order awesome
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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