there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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