The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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