I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
