I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
