I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
