..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
