i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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