So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
