"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So vagazzling was a success
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
