Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
