Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
