Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
