hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
