And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
