i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
