I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
And then he peed in my hair
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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