I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
