you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
