even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
